Awhile…

It’s been a long time since I’ve last written. I feel like I have no drive to do so. Not sure if it’s because I’m busy, or I’m satisfied or I’m at a loss for words to say.

You see, my emotions are fucked up. I thought I had bad mood swings for PMS, that time of the month and all, but take that and multiply that by 10 and that’s what the MTX and celebrex are doing to me.

It’s difficult to try to function that way. One minute I’m happy, the next I want to cry or punch someone in the face. It’s exhausting really. I feel bad for M, he has to deal with my shit on a regular basis. I’m well aware of the fact that it’s uncalled for sometimes but I don’t know how to stop. How do you share yourself out of it or stop being upset? You brain tells you that you should be so you just follow through. It’s ridiculous because an hour later I feel guilty for being a total bitch but somehow I also know it’s not all my fault.

I hate this. I really do.